It's been over four years now since Eva and I met. We hooked up online a few days before Christmas 2004 and started to chat regularly the next January.
It's not surprising that we have both grown alot in that year, both internally and in our relationship together.
Initially we had no intention of getting into a relationship. I had just left along term long term relationship (LTLDR) the year before and I wasn't ready to get close again to someone, especially someone online.
We met on an Irish language forum called Irish Gaelic Translation Forum. I used to hang out there the years previous to our meeting, mostly translating phrases and well-wishes from English to Irish. I left though when the forum got very busy and grew and new people came involved who were better in translation and in their Irish skills than I. I am not sure why I was back surfing the board that December but I saw a post that picked my interest. It was by an Estonian girl (just 17) who wished to learn Irish. I contacted her and it went from there.
As I said above, there was no intention at first to get close but the more we chatted and got to know each other the more fascinated both of us became. I remember in the summer of 2005 I told her that I didn't want a relationship and that she wasn't my friend. In truth I was afraid of my feelings and I was afraid of another LDR.
The next September, amongst the feelings of homesickness, brought on by being in France at the start of my ERASMUS programme, I told her I loved her. You could say September 2005 was the official start of our amorous relationship. The first time we met in person was Easter 2006 when I spent 2 weeks in Estonia. She came to Ireland the first time in summer 2006 and so we started the back-and-forth comings-and-goings between the two countries.
Perhaps the biggest test for our relationship was when we moved in together into her grandparents' house in September 2007. I had of course lived together during the summers but this felt different. It wasn't the summer anymore, it wasn't Ireland. She had college, I had a serious job and it was starting to get colder. That year was very tough on both of us and sometimes we argued so badly that I thought our relationship was over.
We pulled through though. We grow together and learned how to love each other. It was a lesson in growing up. The thing that was particularly difficult for me was the culture shock. I didn't speak the language so I felt completely lost. I had to turn to Eva for everything. I felt like a child, be it at the kitchen table, with her family, at the pharmacy, the shops...I was frustrated because I had to communicate with people through her and she got tired of translating. Add to this the fact that she was the only one I socialised with - at work as a teacher I either spent time with younger students or older colleagues, I was between two worlds - things got very strained.
Things are much calmer now and I simply can not think of life without her. She's my sunshine that brightens up my day. I know it sounds cheesy and trite but it's true. She's my princess and I love her deeply.
In October 2008 we got engaged. What's next? Marriage, home, kids...I can't see myself with anyone else. We really are two sides of the same coin. In ways we are very different and yet we are so the same as well. It's a good mix. Let's hope it brings us much luck. We had even thought about the name of our first kid: Saibh-Riin if it's a girl and Jasper-Rónán if it's a boy.* I think they have a good ring to them.
* Pronouned: sighv reen and yasper ronawn.
Thursday, March 19
Saturday, August 30
confidence, maybe?
Out of all the nights out I have had with Colm in Cork, I must say that last night was the most enjoyable so far. Perhaps it was because I wasn't as secluded as I was the last few times, or perhaps the drinks magically clicked on my "rise confidence" button. Whatever it was, I dared to talk to perfect strangers and what do you know? They understood me for a change!
It might seem a bit rude to say this for Irish - most people here can be prejudice when they hear you're from another country, especially from one of those -nia countries. The sign of tolerance is usually when they start speaking slower and start using more simplistic structures in their sentences. As if I'd be half-witted or something. Of course I would like to cut across by saying "hey, my English is just fine, thank you." but it would be unforgivably rude of me. After all - their country, their rules.
Somehow, last night, I managed to duck the "where are you from?" questions and rather focus on me and what I had to say. After that it was pretty safe and if I dare to add, even exciting, to tell people about Estonia, its culture and people.
Funny though, that most of the time I spent talking to an American guy, a fiance of one of Colm's colleagues, who alike me, was a foreigner there. It was sort of relieving to be talking to someone who shared your point of view. I must say, living in a foreign country is definitely an eye-opener.
I have grown rather fond of Ireland and its strange citizens. Still, I can't wait to have a week of holidays back in homeland with hapukoor and rukkileib.
It might seem a bit rude to say this for Irish - most people here can be prejudice when they hear you're from another country, especially from one of those -nia countries. The sign of tolerance is usually when they start speaking slower and start using more simplistic structures in their sentences. As if I'd be half-witted or something. Of course I would like to cut across by saying "hey, my English is just fine, thank you." but it would be unforgivably rude of me. After all - their country, their rules.
Somehow, last night, I managed to duck the "where are you from?" questions and rather focus on me and what I had to say. After that it was pretty safe and if I dare to add, even exciting, to tell people about Estonia, its culture and people.
Funny though, that most of the time I spent talking to an American guy, a fiance of one of Colm's colleagues, who alike me, was a foreigner there. It was sort of relieving to be talking to someone who shared your point of view. I must say, living in a foreign country is definitely an eye-opener.
I have grown rather fond of Ireland and its strange citizens. Still, I can't wait to have a week of holidays back in homeland with hapukoor and rukkileib.
Tuesday, August 26
relationship success
I don't think a relationship's success should be measured in how well two people get on together but rather should be about how well they deal with disagreement when they don't. Relationships are built on love, friendship, acceptance and compromise.
Love...is a little more mundane than single people and teenagers and newlyweds think it is. What it is is hard work. It's fantastic in the same kind of mundane way, too, in the way that someone who loves you will listen to a story you've told more than once before, and attentively keeping an ear to what bits you change. (1)
You know you are in love with someone when even just sitting on the couch in front of the T.V. , curled in their arms has you no less happy than if you were lying basking in sunshine on some tropical beach, equally curled in their arms. Because when we share our time and place with our loved ones, nothing else matter. Everything-else suddently melt away into insignificence. That's not to say I would say no to a holiday in the sun (especially after this lousy summer we had) but I still appreciate the loved one in my life.
Friendship is one of those funny things. Everyone has a different view of what exactly constitutes a friend. If I hand you a spoon and a pot of jam there are many shapes, sizes and designs of spoon and many flavours, sweetnesses and textures of jam but at the end of the day you'll still be able to take the jam from the pot and place it on your toast or scone. But if you and another person you know share mutual acquaintances you may be at odds over which ones are friends and indeed over exactly how to classify some-one as a friend. That is why girls in particular add that little cop-out of ‘best-friend’. Few like to be thought of as ‘just’ an acquaintance so instead of having ‘acquaintances’ and ‘friends’ we have ‘friends’ and ‘best-friends’.
For me I shy away from attaching labels to people and I deal with people on a one-by-one basis. I have people with whom I enjoy hanging out, and there are others I can’t stand but at the end of the day if I was in need of anything, there is only one person I could bet my life on. And that person is mu kallis Eva. And really, that’s the way it should be. Everyone has their own life to live. We don’t own our friends even though popular culture would have us think it otherwise.
Love and friendship are all very well in a relationship and indeed, one can't survive without them, but equally as important is acceptance and compromise. Not getting married to someone before you have lived with them for a while is not bad advice at all. That girl may look amazing in her LBD (2) on the date but how does she keep her bedroom? And 'Mr. Right' might be swave and sophisticated on that one night of the week when he sweeps you off your to atke you to that fancy French resto but can he cook for the other nights in the week?
Eva and I have been living together since July 2007 and I must say that whilst it all hasn't been an 'eye-opener' we have learned alot about each other. On the less-than-serious side, for me I had to find out about Eva's vice in her love of watching Japanese anime online her difficulty in getting her socks from her feet to the wash-basket (without spending a week on the floor) and she had to get used to my love of quiet slow mornings and my obsession with order in my books - but little else. There are of course loads of small little quirks in both of us that take a while to get used to but we are working on accepting them and have come to see them as core to who we are. It is after all the quirks that set-us apart and make us unique and which are remembered after we part from this world.
And last but not least - compromise. We both have very different taste in music and mostly different taste in food. She thinks it's normal for cheese to be the colour blue and I have yet to convince her of the tastiness of salami. I think the hardest part of this notion of compromise has been in the choosing of a film that both of us would like to watch. We are still working on that one and maybe we will never come to see eye-to-eye but perhaps that's a good thing. It would be tragic of we were mirror-copies of each other.
(1) - She's Not the Man I Married by Helen Boyd / (2) - Little Black Dress
Love...is a little more mundane than single people and teenagers and newlyweds think it is. What it is is hard work. It's fantastic in the same kind of mundane way, too, in the way that someone who loves you will listen to a story you've told more than once before, and attentively keeping an ear to what bits you change. (1)
You know you are in love with someone when even just sitting on the couch in front of the T.V. , curled in their arms has you no less happy than if you were lying basking in sunshine on some tropical beach, equally curled in their arms. Because when we share our time and place with our loved ones, nothing else matter. Everything-else suddently melt away into insignificence. That's not to say I would say no to a holiday in the sun (especially after this lousy summer we had) but I still appreciate the loved one in my life.
Friendship is one of those funny things. Everyone has a different view of what exactly constitutes a friend. If I hand you a spoon and a pot of jam there are many shapes, sizes and designs of spoon and many flavours, sweetnesses and textures of jam but at the end of the day you'll still be able to take the jam from the pot and place it on your toast or scone. But if you and another person you know share mutual acquaintances you may be at odds over which ones are friends and indeed over exactly how to classify some-one as a friend. That is why girls in particular add that little cop-out of ‘best-friend’. Few like to be thought of as ‘just’ an acquaintance so instead of having ‘acquaintances’ and ‘friends’ we have ‘friends’ and ‘best-friends’.
For me I shy away from attaching labels to people and I deal with people on a one-by-one basis. I have people with whom I enjoy hanging out, and there are others I can’t stand but at the end of the day if I was in need of anything, there is only one person I could bet my life on. And that person is mu kallis Eva. And really, that’s the way it should be. Everyone has their own life to live. We don’t own our friends even though popular culture would have us think it otherwise.
Love and friendship are all very well in a relationship and indeed, one can't survive without them, but equally as important is acceptance and compromise. Not getting married to someone before you have lived with them for a while is not bad advice at all. That girl may look amazing in her LBD (2) on the date but how does she keep her bedroom? And 'Mr. Right' might be swave and sophisticated on that one night of the week when he sweeps you off your to atke you to that fancy French resto but can he cook for the other nights in the week?
Eva and I have been living together since July 2007 and I must say that whilst it all hasn't been an 'eye-opener' we have learned alot about each other. On the less-than-serious side, for me I had to find out about Eva's vice in her love of watching Japanese anime online her difficulty in getting her socks from her feet to the wash-basket (without spending a week on the floor) and she had to get used to my love of quiet slow mornings and my obsession with order in my books - but little else. There are of course loads of small little quirks in both of us that take a while to get used to but we are working on accepting them and have come to see them as core to who we are. It is after all the quirks that set-us apart and make us unique and which are remembered after we part from this world.
And last but not least - compromise. We both have very different taste in music and mostly different taste in food. She thinks it's normal for cheese to be the colour blue and I have yet to convince her of the tastiness of salami. I think the hardest part of this notion of compromise has been in the choosing of a film that both of us would like to watch. We are still working on that one and maybe we will never come to see eye-to-eye but perhaps that's a good thing. It would be tragic of we were mirror-copies of each other.
(1) - She's Not the Man I Married by Helen Boyd / (2) - Little Black Dress
Wednesday, July 2
Kook ja püksid..
Throughout the time Colm has spent learning, or struggling with would be more precise, Estonian, he has a few words which he likes so much that you can occasionally find him repeatedly saying them out loud for no obvious reason combined with the mysterious hand-signalling that goes along with the linguistic problem-solving of the plosive imperative nominative form (or whatever) inside his head. One of those words is 'püksid' - trousers. Hence the address of this blog.
Another one is 'kook' - cake, that often gets mixed with 'köök' - kitchen. The double vowels still seem to be quite a problem for him. Sometimes he tries to say something nice and it comes out totally wrong and unintentional just because he can't distinguish the ö-s, õ-s and ü-s. However, he can make that unique Irish sound, which sounds exactly like someone choking from a hastily swallowed biscuit.
I shall and will give him credit, though. It is incredibly sweet to wake up hearing some Estonian in this country of 'wans 'nd dossers'.
Time to bake some 'kook' in the 'köök'. *
*Please note that I am aware of the 14 cases of Estonian. I've been speaking that language for all my life.
Another one is 'kook' - cake, that often gets mixed with 'köök' - kitchen. The double vowels still seem to be quite a problem for him. Sometimes he tries to say something nice and it comes out totally wrong and unintentional just because he can't distinguish the ö-s, õ-s and ü-s. However, he can make that unique Irish sound, which sounds exactly like someone choking from a hastily swallowed biscuit.
I shall and will give him credit, though. It is incredibly sweet to wake up hearing some Estonian in this country of 'wans 'nd dossers'.
Time to bake some 'kook' in the 'köök'. *
*Please note that I am aware of the 14 cases of Estonian. I've been speaking that language for all my life.
Saturday, June 14
Oleme Iirimaal..
Terekest! Jõudsime siis nädal või paar tagasi Iirimaale, tagasi Colmi koju. Vihmasest ilmast hoolimata on tuju hea.. Oleks veel paar neoonrohelisi kummikuid ja tass teed..
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